Beautiful

Last night, we watched the Temple Grandin movie. Unbelievable.

I was putting off watching it. I was thinking it would be one of those movies that is fairly enjoyable for everyone else to watch, but excruciating for me because of how painfully it reflects what we feel every day. I figured, someday I'll be ready to watch it, but not right now.

I think it was one of those I-just-gotta-do-it things. I finally just rented it, and as much as it did reflect her struggles (and in a perfectly heart-rending way), I couldn't believe how often throughout the movie I laughed. Most of the time, autism is what has me crying hysterically, begging God to magically put our boy to sleep, or pounding my fist into my desk because I'm reading the 812th recipe for granola that doesn't work. But on a rare occasion, it's the thing that gives me the biggest laugh of the whole day. And when I say laugh, I don't mean a laugh-at-the-weirdo kind of laugh. I'm talking about the warmest, fuzziest joyful laugh that comes from a bright appreciation of something so unique, I can't even help myself.

Worth noting is how surprised I was by my own laughter. We're still only four months into his diagnosis, so I must say, we're in the thick of it. Everything is a fight, every bit of new information is both devastating and expensive (not to mention a brand-new process to think about)...so I guess it makes sense that I'm defining this whole thing by our experience with it so far. But who's to say we don't have a life full of laughter ahead? Who says we won't have a life punctuated by moments of pride, hope, and gratitude?

After watching the movie last night, I became sure of it. My little guy's mind is and will be more beautiful than I ever could have imagined.